What to do if you're learning, growing and evolving... and your partner isn't.
Are you afraid of outgrowing your partner?
I hear this often from my clients and friends.
So many of us are women on a personal development journey who are always hungry for more. We want to know how to be better versions of ourselves, how to deepen and expand.
If we want to be in a smoother relationship with our money, we buy a course, read three books on money mindset, and start implementing new habits right away.
If we want to deepen our spiritual life, we sign up for retreats, try the new age bookstore, or ask a religious friend to have regular coffee dates with us.
If we want better sex and a more intimate connection, or more self love and to silence the inner critic tape playing on loop in our heads, we head here to UNCOVER, bust out our journal, open the videos, and get real.
Most of the women I know are curious and open. They are willing to see the areas they can improve about their lives and they waste no time trying to make it happen.
And, our partners?
Not always the same.
In fact, if you've come away from a training, retreat, coaching session or the last page of a book and zoomed off to tell your husband that you have three new ideas for how he can improve his life, plus a morning routine you want him to start doing ASAP... you have noticed a little resistance. He may have started blocking your attempts to personally develop him. ;)
So what can you do?
Many of my clients worry that they are going to outgrow their love, or possibly that they already have, because their partner doesn't share that same hunger for growth.
Here are three things you can do, right now, that will help you get on the same page:
In your journal, in our online community, or with a coach, get crystal clear on what the feelings, sensations, details, and desires are that you are looking forward to in the future. Do you long for a playful romance filled with smoldering dates, passionate connection, and being the couple at the table in the restaurant turning heads because you're laughing so loudly? What would it feel like? What would you be wearing? Who would you be?
Often our nagging dissatisfaction comes less from us not having what we want but from us not even KNOWING. So, without your partner (yet) give yourself the juicy gift of dreaming time.
What do you see for your future? Financially, career-wise, love-related, family? What is the vision?
Plan a date, cook breakfast together, or go for a walk with dedicated time to daydream about the future together. Focus especially on the outcomes you imagined in your clarity vision process.
What do you long for as a couple? As a family? For each of your individual dreams?
Neither of you is in charge of the other person's process — their workout routine, their spiritual growth, their reading list. But, you are both in charge of your shared vision. So, as you each tend to your own growth, keep checking in on the dream. Are you becoming more and more of the person who would be in that relationship? That couple? That future? That career? When you start slipping, forgetting, or wanting to distract yourself by focusing on where your partner could be doing better (who me? ;) -- ask for help. Laugh. Bring it back. And re-read your vision. You get to take baby steps together toward a life and love even better than you could have imagined.