About Books Speaking Join The Intimacy Incubator LOGIN

Lessons from the Future You


There is a certain clean and clearing energy surrounding the new year. It is a fresh start, an opening to the new, the reimagined, and the do-over. 

At this halfway point in January, I just want us to take a moment to breathe deeply … (literally, stop reading this, close your eyes, and breathe! I’ll wait…)...and celebrate YOU. All the big plans, intentions, and new paths taken this year. Let’s live in that celebration for a moment. In the joy, and pleasure, and exhilaration of it. Lit candles. Burnt sage. Warm tea with honey or a really great coffee. Silence, or maybe peaceful sounds surrounding you. All things good. All things aligned. All things ready. 

The intentionality of building and providing this meditative and ready mental space is so vital to the success of our plans. Even if we do not get a moment of pensive quiet, focus, or meditation, we can still bottle this feeling, and keep it with us and near us. This feeling can nurture and nourish. It can nudge us forward. This feeling can become a routine (a ritual?), particularly when our New Year intentions or projects get a little hard, scary, or overwhelming. 

The powerful work you need to put in the world is not going to be easy. So why not create access to ease, pleasure, and enjoyment while we change the world? 

If that makes sense to you, let’s take that idea or feeling and expand it. What other ideas can connect us to our future self? We have already given her a deep and soulful yes. 

Why does the conversation have to stop there?



Can we “Marty McFly” Our 2022?  

What if we really started thinking of Future You as a resource?  How can that older, wiser self speak into what you are doing, thinking, saying, deciding, feeling, even wearing right now? How much ease and comfort can be injected into your current situation with a bit of insight from Future You? 

Now…take it deeper: how can Future You use you as a resource? Whoa. Now we’re really putting on our Back to the Future orange vests.

What does Future You need from Present-You for Future You to exist? Boom. 

Again, I’m going to ask you to close your eyes. Either at this moment, or when you’re finished reading this blog. Close your eyes and really really connect to that Future You. How is your future supposed to look, and what self-care practices would need to be in place to make that happen? 

See her. Hear her. Where is she? What is she wearing? What are her surroundings? Who is with her? What kind of people does Future You associate with?  What are her daily activities? What makes her laugh? What brings her joy? What are her days off?  Her contented, resplendent, pleasure-filled days consist of what? 

This is when we really begin exploring self-care, and not the casual way we throw it around. But the deep dive into the reality of it, and the realization that the habits and rituals we create today affect the outcome of our future quality of life. 

The reason I always preach about not postponing pleasure? Because your future is not as far off as we imagine. Your future is intrinsically connected to your now. And if we incorporate pleasure, intimacy, and joy into our leadership, relationship, and love practices now, we are setting up an abundance of it for Future You. 

How can you save the life of Future You? What can you add to your life now that ensures the Future You want? What does a goddess day look like for your future self and how can we pull in pieces of that right now? 

And possibly the most important part of this exercise: what boundaries need to be set up? How can you protect Future You? 

Ah. Imagining your goddess day is the fun and juicy part. But structure. Discipline. Persistence. Those are the tough bits. What is Future You not doing anymore? Who isn’t really a part of her life anymore? Does that mean having a tough conversation with a toxic or controlling friend? If she takes Monday nights for Yoga, does that mean she sacrificed her raunchy reality tv night?

These boundaries, these changes, may not be the most fun, but they are the most valuable. In Back to the Future, think about how Marty not only saved his parent’s marriage, he also saved his own existence. 

So make besties with Future You. Check in with her often. Create space, pleasure, intimacy, and strong boundaries for her right now. She is your greatest resource in having a successful, playful, pleasure-filled 2022 and beyond. 




Intimacy is the missing ingredient in your leadership.

Join the mailing list for resources, writing and updates.