When we’re talking about coming back into our bodies and beginning to heal, how we define trauma or even we even define our experiences as trauma is a helpful place to start. I hear from a lot of women that identify as survivors of trauma, those that have experienced sexual assault or had experiences with sexual harassment. It’s left them feeling nervous. They have flashbacks. The classic trauma responses. But there’s also some women who have has experiences where their bodies weren’t honored, and they felt not seen or not recognized. I know many friends and clients for whom that has manifested in situations where they ended up having sex but didn't really want to, or it was not clear if they were at choice around it or not.
I was recently talking with a friend who was describing a date where she ended up having sex because she didn't want to make it a big deal. That was her language. I think that it can be challenging to know where something like that fits on the scale. You're not necessarily feeling like you need to go to the hospital or to the police but it also doesn't feel good. Something on that spectrum can actually really benefit from this work just as much. You don't have to identify as a trauma survivor. Do what feels true in your body.
One helpful concept that's floating around right now in healing modality circles is thinking about trauma as “lowercase t” trauma. Where our body just goes into sort of a fight flight freeze. When we didn't experience something that we think everyone else would call “trauma”. Thinking of it as “lowercase t” trauma can be a really helpful. It’s more about our experiences as women. Going through the world, there’s a lot of pressure to look a certain way or to behave a certain way. Maybe you’ve had men who didn't honor your body or you’ve been rejected by dates that you really wanted to go on. It might feel like this is more part of your everyday life, but it’s also left you with patterns of fear, feeling weird or feeling uncomfortable with yourself. We don’t know how to give ourselves what we want to or how to ask someone else for what I want.
All that counts in this space. Anything that makes us feel like we can't trust ourselves or we're not totally sure about what feels good will benefit from this work. It’s about healing and doing it in this really soft but steady way and doing it in a way that signals to your body that you can do this for yourself. I learned it from my teacher and she learned it from her teachers. There can be something really uniquely empowering in trauma healing and sexual healing in particular, when we learn enough that we remember and know, for the first time, what we we can do for ourselves. Even thought I lead Uncover, this is the point of my work. So you can learn these things and do it yourself. It’s something you can keep forever. But you’re never alone. You can always come back to our group for support. You can get the coaching calls, you can check back in with me, but it's not because I'm fixing you. It’s because you have learned these things and you are integrating the tools.
You're stepping into this way of being where you got to do it yourself.