The relationship between our uncovering and religion can be a struggle to reconcile. The two feel completely opposite. Sexuality and spirituality. Pleasure and God. But as we explore ourselves, our desires and our needs, we begin to see the two are intrinsically linked and can actually create magic together.
For me, spirituality is a lot more about a lot of internal shifts that I embody. For you, it might look like prayer, meditation, yoga, connecting with others or journaling. Doing that work of going within can be so powerful. In my life, spirituality is showing up right now have to do with seeing magic everywhere.
I used to feel really plugged into seeing signs and wonders from God. For example, if I was sick and the place that I happened to visit served grilled cheese and tomato soup, I took it as a sign of being taken care of. I went through my whole life feeling just like I could see magic everywhere. But then I experienced a shift.
It’s not necessarily that it “went away” but my perception of what that magic was changed. I started to feel that I had to earn it. I needed to earn the magic somehow. At the time, I don’t think I would’ve put it in those terms but looking back and seeing the way I was going through life, the way I was thinking about what was spiritual, what was felt good, what was sacred and what was divine, it was all coming from a belief that if I wasn’t as good as I could be, if I wasn’t not doing everything I could, if I wasn’t working myself to the bone, if I'm not really exhausted then I wasn’t earning the magic. I wasn’t earning the miracles.
Logically, I knew then and know now that that’s not how it works and when I began this work, I experienced another shift where I was jolted out of that way of thinking and began to experience it differently. I began to feel like the universe, God, angels and all of the forces of the divine are just about supporting me and bringing more and more of the magic out and everything that I am delighted by and desiring and everything that is calling to me. Every dream that I have within me is part of my ongoing conversation with God.
Understanding it that way changed so much for me.
I realized that there weren’t categories of “good things” that bring me closer to God and selfish things” that are going to bring me further away. There was just me being supported by it all to see and bring in magic. For any of you who grew up or spent time in the Judeo-Christian traditions, that is a familiar story. There are ways you can be apostate or ways you can put distance between yourself and God.
Instead, I started to see that I’m not some “unruly” force that needs to the tamed by the spiritual side of my life. It’s all the spiritual side.
We’re invited to be in a cosmic dance with the magic.
We’re invited to open up to receive it and to be surrendered while staying grounded in what our desires are and trusting that they come from God.