Our courage is the currency of expansion and our self-love is what is going to fuel that courage. For me, that perfectionist desire I had didn’t make sense. I was never even close to being perfect so I found it almost annoying that I even had perfectionist tendencies. But I did. I felt like you earn love by how good you are and if you're not good or you mess up, you lose it. So what I found was what it takes to dismantle that is courage. It takes courage to let go of that definition of what is worthy and good and what is going to help you power through all of that is more love. It’s about being willing to look at all the parts and keep going forward.
But here’s the sneaky part. I had all these rules about what made me good, what made me worthy, what made me a good coach, a good friend, a good partner and a good daughter. It was a long list of to do. It was very fragile and easily broken, but if I could just hold my breath, do it all, check the list off and make sure everyone was happy, then success would be available to me. But only if I did everything right.
I don't know where I got that because we don't even really talk about success for women that much. We don't really talk about what it looks like for women to hit their stride, own their power, become more wise, beautiful, sexy, and incredible. We’ve had to make it all up as we go because the narratives we're given are just ridiculous. The narratives that the CEOs and bosses are old men and they’re boring and weird and as women, you have to work really hard to have any kind of success. It’s the narrative that money should be hard. Everything should be hard. This is what we’ve inherited. There’s a lot of conflicting rules and we don’t often see examples. So I'm not sure where along the line I decided this, but somehow between trying to make my own way and doing all of this work, I decided that I had to be perfect to be worthy of a love story. I decided that I’m allowed to succeed, but it must be really hard. And in order to be the perfect good girl, you need to prove that you've worked hard for this success. Maybe then you're allowed to make six figures in your business or whatever your first big goal is. It’s weird but also understandable at the same time.
I wonder if you can just take a minute today and think about what rules you might have internalized or inherited, even if you're not sure where they came from. No one ever sat me down and said, “You better be perfect all the time or I'm not going to love you anymore.” No one ever said to me, “If you ever want to succeed in your life, you have to be really exhausted and be working hard all the time”. Yet I somehow found those rules and internalized them. Take a minute today and see what comes up for you. Maybe those two resonate with you. Maybe there are others. What rules are coming to mind for you that feel like they put a cap on your expansion, your success, your thriving, even your epic love story? What rules have informed your self-love story, your money, your bank account? What ceiling is there and where did that come from? Think a little bit about what comes to mind. And if it doesn't come right away, that's okay too. It's background programming in you so it may take some time to come to the surface. It’s a little bit revolutionary for you to be even naming it, but that’s exactly what helps us unmask it even more.