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Align Your Goals With Pleasure


January. It is the season of newness, reevaluation, recalibration, and reimagining. It is the season of deep breaths, starting over, vision boarding, list building, and affirmations. 


This is the season for GOALS.


While we celebrate this season and dive right into its cleansing energy, let’s examine the “how” and why behind our goal setting. It can be all too easy to make goals that aren't really aligned with where we truly want to go, nor do they take into account everywhere we have been. 


It is extraordinarily easy to inadvertently create limits and traps within our goal setting. We scroll social media. We talk to friends. We attend a vision board party. We work with different coaches. And suddenly, it’s very important that our goals look a certain way: 


I need to make X amount of dollars. 

I need to book these many clients. 

I need to be in this kind of committed relationship before the summer. 


Does anyone else’s goal look like this? Have they looked like this before? More importantly, did these goals actually manifest? 


Look, sometimes they do. But more likely than not, these goals did not manifest. And now we are spiraling. Mad at the universe because she did not hear us.  Mad at ourselves because obviously we didn’t work hard enough or smart enough to actualize our goals. Inner voice is screaming: “Why am I sabotaging myself? Why am I lazy?  I have no follow through, no focus, and no integrity. I suck soooo bad.” 

Stop. Record scratch. Let’s put a pause on the catastrophizing album. Let’s examine what actually happened. 

Bottom line: those goals weren’t ever truly the right goals. The right idea and general direction. But the right goal? Not so much. 

So why are we beating ourselves up about it? 


Align with a Feeling, Not an Outcome.  

This is not an issue of whether or not we really wanted it. Obviously we did. It’s not because we are “bad,” unfocused, undedicated, or even afraid to take risks. 


This is a matter of alignment. 


Let’s take a look at your vision board (If you haven’t made one, that’s okay. Visualize it in your mind!). There is most likely a lot of expansion and growth: write that book, start that podcast, get featured in your favorite public magazine. Travel. Get a ring on my left finger. Have a baby. The Vision Board always talks big. It speaks of big bold risks and getting what we want. As it should.  


But these goals are aligned with an outcome. And it’s not like this never works. Sometimes it does. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? It’s a “sometimes.” Goal setting is not about luck. Don’t get stuck angrily shaking our fists at the Universe when we were using her as an ATM. 


Goals aligned with an outcome are grounded in our need to control, our inability to really release and surrender. We cannot control The Universe. We cannot control outcomes. 


What can we control? Pleasure. Our deepest desires. Consider those outcomes on that vision board. Now close your eyes, and imagine how those outcomes will make you feel. Start writing those down. 

Now ask yourself: What will bring you closer to those feelings? What are the actions behind those feelings? 

Pleasure-aligned goals sound like this: 

I’m going to deepen my own self-love so I am prepared to be the best mom in the world. 

I’m going to work on my inner child so I do not pass that trauma to my daughter. 

I’m going to journal and tap into something I love about myself daily. 

I’m going to have that conversation with my mom that I’ve been putting off. 


We are leaning into how we want to feel. This gives The Universe a more open plan for you both to work together. 


My recommendation: create a pleasure aligned goal for each area of your life: work, personal, relationship, healing, health and body, and whatever other areas are vital. 

But the focus here is pleasure. Limitless pleasure. And that list is infinite. I want to feel safe. I want to feel loved. I want to feel abundant. I want to feel purpose-filled.  I want to feel connected. I want to feel free. I want to feel… 

By all means, love. Keep going….  


Intimacy is the missing ingredient in your leadership.

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