About Books Speaking Join The Intimacy Incubator LOGIN

Acknowledging Trauma

Trauma.

(Take a deep breath, ground into your body, and know that in this moment you are safe. And, if you aren’t, prioritize that & of course feel free to skip this post — I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.)

Just the word “trauma” can trigger so much in our bodies.

Yet, in all of the books I've read about intimacy, I rarely see trauma addressed directly, and even when I do, I hardly ever see conversations about pleasure as a path toward healing trauma. (Not yet, anyway! This is the UNCOVER methodology & eventually I know it will be common sense…)

It’s understandable that people want to stay in their own lane, it’s so healthy. And I know that for many people, particularly in thr coaching space, it feels scary to touch the topic of trauma because we do not want to cause more harm. No one wants to open up a can of worms that they don't know how to hold someone through processing…. It’s understandable. People want to talk about what they know and what feels safe.

However, I’ve yet to meet a woman who wasn’t touched in some way by sexual trauma.

Even in our daily actions… what we worry about, where we park, how late we stay at the restaurant, how we hold our keys…

…let alone the many MANY women for whom traumatic memories & body experiences of violence interrupt day to day life.

{I mainly work with women & folks who identify as genderqueer or non-binary, but obviously men are also victims of sexual trauma}

I have clients tell me they feel guilty, their bodies reacting, even if “nothing” has happened to them personally. Freezing up, crying, tensing up, not trusting — especially feeling suspicious & wary of men.

It makes soooo much sense though: it’s in the air we breathe. Our bodies store all this direct and indirect trauma. News cycles filled with violence, memories that interrupt us, plot lines in every movie…

This is the piece that is so often missing. This conversation about the trauma so universally experienced, and what we want instead: healing. Not just for us, individually, but for all of us, as a collective. And pleasure? It’s the pathway back to feeling safe, in our bodies & in the world.

Close

Intimacy is the missing ingredient in your leadership.

Join the mailing list for resources, writing and updates.